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I have something to share that may be of some help to you in your internal struggles. Consider the following:
The things that you do, if they are from pure motives, are not done so that someone cannot say that you did not do thus and so, but rather they are done simply from loving concern and care. If truly your actions flow from the love of God in Christ, then no one can effectively accuse you otherwise. You will be able to stand firm in God’s love, unmoved by anything that may confront you. God’s love and works are our defense, not our love and actions. Our love fails. Our actions are corrupt. Our faith and trust are false. But Christ bore our sins, our weaknesses, our falseness of faith, our failures, our condemnation.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2)
Therefore, do not walk after the flesh. Do not live looking to your own faith, your own attempts at loving actions, your own devotion to God. Look not to these but to the faithfulness of God in Christ, to the salvific works of Jesus, to the means of grace. These are the things wherein we walk in spirit. In these no condemnation exists.
Think on these things. You will find them to be the way of surety.
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