Not OK, for You, Man

Yesterday produced various reports of a domestic incident in Darien, CT.  According to police, a family fight ensued between CBS news personalities Robert and Ashley Morrison.  Ashley’s mother called the police to report the incident.  The police found red marks on Ashley’s neck and arrested her husband for felony strangulation.

Here is Robert’s mug shot:



While the various reports all mention that upon arrival the police found Robert’s face bloodied, not a single word is mentioned in any of the news reports concerning how this occurred.

How did Robert receive these injuries?

In the elevated family fracas, who first acted with violence against the other?

How can it be that with two people suffering injuries that only one is charged with violence?

In the film, Joe Somebody, Joe and his girlfriend, Meg, have an argument where she gives him an ultimatum regarding his plan to do something very stupid and wrong.  He has planned and prepared for a fight with a bully who previously assaulted him and humiliated him.  She presents the ultimatum of a choice between keeping the appointment for the fight or keeping her.  He sadly says that he cannot make that choice and walks away.

After facing the bully and declining to fight him, Joe comes to Meg to share the news of his choice.  She does not listen, but reacts angrily and violently.  She first gives a two-fisted and forceful thrust to Joe’s chest.  Then she punches toward his face, which he blocks.  He explains how important she is to him and she calms down and all is wonderful.



How many times is this sort of scene portrayed in the movies?  How many times is this encountered in real life?

How many people will be inclined to call the police upon seeing a woman striking a man?  If a man calls the police saying that his wife is pushing him around and hitting him, will they even respond to the call?  If they do, will they arrest the woman or will they bring a straightjacket for the man and take him for a psych evaluation?

How many wives hit their husbands and when confronted act as though they did nothing wrong?

Admittedly, in many cases it is like a flea attacking a dog.  Yet even the tiniest flea can drive a dog crazy.

I have witnessed women acting violently toward men on many occasions, even as they walked down the street or in a shopping mall or parking lot.  I have never seen the police called unless the man responded in similar manner.  In fact, I’ve never seen people intervene in any way unless the man became forceful.  This is especially true in less affluent areas.

How is it that a woman can be abusive to a man without a strong likelihood of being held accountable, but if a person acts abusively to a horse the person is very likely to be charged with a crime?

What actually transpired in the Morrison household is not known publicly.  Yet the reporting certainly reflects this inequitable perception in society.  Moreover, the reported assumptions of the police also seem to reflect this injustice.  The police responded to a reported incident.  Upon their arrival at the home they find two people with injuries.  The man is arrested and charged with multiple crimes.  The woman is presumed to be an innocent victim.

Maybe the police were correct.

Certainly Robert’s love for his wife should have restrained him from acting as he did, whether or not he was provoked by his wife or even if she bloodied his face.  Certainly he should have found a non-violent way to address whatever issues existed between them, even if this meant leaving the issue alone until they both could confront one another calmly and rationally.

And from a Christian perspective, the responsibility does fall upon the husband to act as the head of his family. This means that he will be the one to bear the injustice and unfairness of the situation.  He will be the one to step back and wait patiently for his wife and family to become calm again.  The Lord has placed this upon the man.  He is to be the stronger one who bears all things in love, dealing with the issues from the strength that the Lord gives.

It is amazing how often extremely heated arguments if viewed in retrospect are perceived as arising from very insignificant issues.  Pride and an unwillingness to bear what is perceived to be unfair are usually the main problems.

     And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
(1 Peter 4:8)

Agape kalupsei plethos hamartion. (1 Peter 4:8)

Agape
veils
fullness
of lacking of share in/missed marks

Husband and wife, sharing together in Agape, see not the missed marks of the other, perceive not the short comings of the other, count not any lacking of sharing in the union with the other, for all that they perceive is the Agape.  It is as though the bridal veil is again covering the bride’s face so that she sees her husband through the veil and he sees her through the veil.  Both are viewed with the perfection of the love that binds them together.

When this veil is removed and cast aside or stored away someplace, then they see each other very differently.  Then every fault, every failure, ever shortcoming is viewed and accounted.

In Joe Somebody, when Joe stops Meg from hitting him and pressed beyond her anger to express his love for her, he tells her: “You're what I want.  I don't think there's anything about you that I don't like.”  She responds: “My ears aren't perfectly even.”  Joe responds: “I like that.”

Joe seems not even to have noticed that she tried to hurt him.  He counts no insult from her ridiculous minimization of her faults with the vain remark about her ears.  He sees only the beautiful perfection of his love for her.

This is the way with Agape.  It is a one-sided love.  Agape is of God.  Thus it covers all to whom He gives it so that they begin to see through God’s love for us, which covers all imperfection with God’s perfect love.  This is more than an emotional attachment or infatuation. For those to whom God’s love is poured out in their baptism, God’s love covers them and fills them completely so that their view of the world is changed.  This is because they themselves are changed.

The beginnings of this are experienced even now for those who are baptized into Christ.  In the resurrection they shall experience this in its fullness everlastingly.

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A Time There for Every Purpose and for Every Work

Ecclesiastes 3:17.

Today I was driving as afternoon drew closer to evening.  It was still some time before darkness, but it was encroaching.  I observed a man feeling his way across a parking lot with one of those long sticks with red and white.  I wanted to stop and offer him a ride to wherever he was heading, but I did not.

Blindness is a condition that would leave me helpless.  But this man has obviously worked very hard to learn to find his way without the use of his eyes.  Sometimes the best way to help a person is to respect that person’s abilities.  There is a time to help, and a time not to help.

Day and night makes little difference to a blind man in terms of finding his way.  But to drivers it makes a big difference.  Such a  man finding his way could be in danger from those who cannot find their way in the darkness.  But he seemed to be on a known path and he still had time to reach his destination before the drivers’ limitations in the darkness would be a threat to him.

I often see people walking and wrestle with myself on account of not knowing whether to offer a ride or to assume that they are in need of the respect of distance.  I especially struggle to know this when I see an older person or other person having difficulty with each step.

It is sometimes hard to see a person struggling and to do nothing.  Yet sometimes this is the truly kind act.  Sometimes people need to be allowed to face their difficulties and to press on in faith to the very end.  A person should not be robbed of the experience of triumph at the end of a trial.

How can one know when it is right to do nothing?  The first sign is whether or not the person appears to be looking for assistance.  Another is whether or not a clear sign of danger can be observed.  Certainly the ultimate consideration is to put oneself in the other person’s situation, at least as far as one is able to imagine it.  From this perspective one can determine one’s own desires in the same situation.

Of course, another approach, especially when the perspective seems unclear, is simply to greet the person and give the opportunity for the person to ask for assistance if desired.  A simple greeting such as “Hi there.  How are you doing today?” could allow for an indication to be given by the other person.  For example, if the person says, “Oh, my joints are aching so badly that I just don’t know whether I can take another step,” would seem to be very clear.  On the other hand, the person may say, “Oh, my joints hurt like crazy, but I keep pressing onward and I’m nearly there.”  This leads to quite a different conclusion.

Yet if one is not certain, polite and respectful inquiry as to whether assistance is desired is rarely received poorly.

Love, that is, agape, is always in season.  Love always leads a person toward the right action.  As St. Paul shares:

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

I once had a prostitute get into my car when I stopped to examine my map.  She got in and began to offer me things that I could not accept from her.  She said that she needed money for bread and milk.  When I offered to buy those for her she said that she could not accept charity.  I asked her if she knew how the Bible uses that word.  I then explained this Bible passage to her, explaining that charity is God’s love at work in a person so that the person acts with that love and concern for others.  I then bought her lunch for herself and her baby and drove her home.  As we drove she also explained that she had a legitimate job as an exotic dancer.  She was proud of her ability to earn a living for herself and her baby and she pulled up her blouse to show me what a nice body she had.  I simply agreed and continued telling her about the love of Jesus and the better way that He purchased for us with His own life.

I do not know what happened with this young lady, but she did express a need for help and when she heard that the motive for giving help freely was the love of God, she gladly received both the food needed for the bellies of herself and her baby, as well as the bread of heaven for her spirit.

Yes, there is a time for every purpose and for every work.  And God’s love guides us to know when.

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Rogate versus Mother’s Day

Today is The Fifth Sunday after Easter - Rogate.  Rogate is Latin for “Ask ye,” from today’s Gospel reading:

     And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.  Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.  These things have I spoken unto you in proverbs: but the time cometh, when I shall no more speak unto you in proverbs, but I shall shew you plainly of the Father.  At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:  For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.  I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again, I leave the world, and go to the Father. 
     His disciples said unto him, Lo, now speakest thou plainly, and speakest no proverb.  Now are we sure that thou knowest all things, and needest not that any man should ask thee: by this we believe that thou camest forth from God. (John 16:23-30)

The Lord Jesus tells His disciples: “For the Father has affection toward you-all because you-all Me held in affection and have believed that I from God have come out.”

Love is not a very good translation for this is not agape but philos.  This is not agape.  It is not the unconditional unidirectional love of John 3:16 by which God was moved to give His only-begotten Son to save the world.  This is the relational response of communion.  This is the Fatherly attitude of God with His adopted children who have been regenerated into the life of the body of Christ, who live in His agape, abiding in His Word, being guarded and kept in His peace that surpasses all understanding.

This is a lot like the emotionalism of Mother’s Day, where children of all ages desire to demonstrate that inborn affection that they hold for their mothers.  When that bond that was created through nine months of gestation and then the tender care of nursing is not broken by various interfering factors, the children and their mothers continue to hold each other in affection, desiring to be close.  And even when this bond is stretched or even broken, there often remains the desire for the closeness to be reestablished.

In the case of the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints, God the Father affectionately listens to the prayers of His sons, “Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.”   (John 1:13)

Within this holy household of faith, the Church of Jesus Christ, these beloved children whom the Father holds in deep affection are brought through the urging of the Holy Spirit into the unity of the one true faith.  They confess together the same doctrine.  They embrace the same practice.  They live and breathe and think and speak the same, in communion with their Lord Jesus.  They grow in this affection for their Lord and for one another until they truly think and speak as one.  They pray the very will of God that is has been made to be their own will.  And thus, God does and even must grant their requests.  After all, they are praying what He Himself has produced in them.

This is demonstrated in the Collect of the Day for this day of Rogate as well as last Sunday’s Collect.

     “O God, from whom all good things do come, grant to us, Thy humble servants, that by Thy holy inspiration we may think those things that be right and by Thy merciful guiding may perform the same; through Jesus Christ, Thy Son, our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with Thee and the Holy Ghost, ever one God, world without end. ”

     O God, who makes the minds of the faithful to be of one will, grant unto Thy people that they may love what Thou commandest and desire what Thou dost promise that among the manifold changes of this world our hearts may there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ, our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with Thee and the Holy Ghost, ever one God, world without end.

Notice what is prayed.  Notice what is taught.  Notice what is confessed.  Notice what is promised and granted.

Today I called a dear friend, a pastor in another state.  We spoke on the phone for nearly four hours.  In our conversation we each shared many things, things from our past, things currently taking place, things of deep theological nature, things of the life of the Church.  In our conversation we did not disagree on any point.  As we discussed very important and deep matters, we were in true concord.  He spoke of things that he learned and received from me and I spoke of what I learned and received from him.  Even as we each heard new things that we had not previously given proper attention, as we heard these things from one another as they flow from the Holy Scriptures, we readily agreed with one another.

This is what God promises.  His sons, His daughters, will hear and acknowledge together what He reveals as His Word and Will.  His children will readily move toward the unity of the true faith.

Afterwards I called my mother.  We do not share this unity together.  We hold each other with the affection of blood, but not of Spirit.  We do not even dare to converse regarding the deep things of faith, because we have not that common bond.  Over the years she has remained with the church body that has departed from that united confession and practice and faith.  She has moved in the same direction, a direction that no longer allows us to speak openly in full agreement.

I also encouraged my wife to call her mother, with whom we are estranged.  She, too, has chosen to remain with the church body that has drifted into the worldly and disintegrated ways.  My wife and her mother both expressed their desire to be close, but the discussion ended with acknowledgment that her mother no longer believes such unity to be possible.  Her mother openly denies that it is possible for the Church to have what my friend and I expressed in nearly four hours of intense theological discussion, true unity and agreement.

My wife and I were very saddened by this, but as we were expressing our deeply felt grief another dear pastor called to share the jubilant news of the baptism that he performed this very day.  A sweet newly born baby was baptized into the body of Christ from a couple who were unmarried and not members of Christ’s body when this baby was born.  But now the parents are eagerly receiving the pure Word from this pastor, and are excitedly growing in the faith that has been handed down by the prophets and apostles and the Church to this very day.  And so our hearts turned from sorrow to great joy in the Lord and His faithfulness.

It boggles my mind that my family and my wife’s family no longer believe this to be possible.  Once upon a time they professed this as their belief, but no longer.  They have chosen tolerance in place of unity and the pretense of not judging for falsely judging both us and the faith of Jesus.  But the unity that God promises does still exist in His Church, not only the Church triumphant, that is, not only the Church in heaven, but also the true Church on earth.  For where Jesus is truly confessed as Lord, that is, where the Word rules the Church, true unity is produced.  It cannot be otherwise.

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Love & Like: Agape & Philos

In a comment to a post at Cyberstones, Loneliness Met and Overcome, an anonymous commentator asked:

This is probably a stupid question, but does God really LIKE us. I know He loves us, but does He really enjoy us as you say? As you say, like a mother coos and ahhs over a baby?

This is a wonderful question. The answer is YES. But God’s Yeses and Amens are always found in Christ Jesus.

To understand this more fully, it is helpful to examine the difference between Love and Like: Agape and Philos. There is a genuine difference. The Scriptures teach us concerning both, and explain the difference.

After the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, after He had fulfilled all righteousness by His suffering, death, and burial, after Peter had denied Jesus with cursing, the time was both right and necessary for the distinction between Agape and Philos to be made clear to Peter. In John 21:15-19 it is recorded.

     So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.
     He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
     He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
     Verily, verily, I say unto thee, When thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not. This spake he, signifying by what death he should glorify God. And when he had spoken this, he saith unto him, Follow me.

Most people, reading from the English translations, do not realize that both agape and philos are used in this conversation. Moreover, the two are powerfully contrasted to one another, even though they are connected.

In this conversation which is actually more than a conversation, the Lord Jesus confronts Peter with what is lacking in Peter so as to fill him up with what was needed both for Simon, the struggling sinner/saint, and for Peter, the apostle of the Lord.

With the first two questions the Lord Jesus asks Simon, son of Jonas, whether he has agape toward Jesus. Both times he responded saying Yes, but qualifying it as philos. With the third question the Lord Jesus asked Simon, son of Jonas, whether he had philos toward Him. With this question Simon, son of Jonas, was crushed. Weeping he cried out that he did have philos.

But the Lord Jesus did not stop with this. Three times in response to the philos of Simon, son of Jonas, Jesus gave command to Peter, the apostle, regarding what agape would work in him and through Him. Jesus extends this with the assurance of verses 18-19, where He foretells just how far this agape will carry him.

Apparently Peter still struggled with what was explained to him as verse 20-21 says, “Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee? Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do?” Then in verse 22, “Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? follow thou me.”

Peter was still thinking philos. The Lord Jesus redirected him to agape.

St. John, in referring to himself in this part of his Gospel account, referred to himself as the disciple whom Jesus agaped. The others saw philos, but John records agape.

The fact is that both are correct. Jesus did display philos toward John, and the rest of the disciples as well, but John rightly demonstrates that this recognition of the Lord’s philos can only rightly be known in connection with His agape.

Agape is of God. He IS agape. God has agape for all the world, so that He sent His only begotten Son into the world so that through Him the world might be saved. This agape has been declared from eternity and all the world has been redeemed in this agape through the atoning sacrifice of Christ crucified. This agape is poured into those who are baptized into Christ Jesus with the outpouring of the Holy Spirit. With the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, God’s agape dwells in the person and rules over the person, converting that person and making a saint of that person. It is in connection with this washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit and the restoration to God’s Holy Communion of agape that we also experience His philos.

Yes, God truly has philos toward those whom He has sanctified. For in Christ, we are made to be truly likable again. In Christ, all that is unlovely is taken away. In Christ the image of God is restored to us and He truly likes us according to the new Adam living in us. Yes, God is pleased with His saints. He speaks of this in many places. And His saints respond with His agape and then also with their own philos.

Agape is of God. As we walk in His agape we show His agape. We show agape because of what God has worked and continues to work in us. But we also show philos because of what we feel towards God as His beloved children. Agape is God at work. Philos is our emotional response to His agape and also to His philos. For God does show us His philos as well.

This is shown by the observations of those who commented on the philos of Jesus concerning Lazarus in John 11:3 & 36, and on John’s reference to himself in John 20:2. But in Revelation 3:19 Jesus Himself declares His philos toward those whom He rebukes and chastens/disciplines.

This is especially pertinent in connection with the anonymous commentator’s further question:

Let me explain what I mean by, "does God really LIKE us". There is a difference between like and love. For instance, I know my dad loved us and he was a great provider, although I don't think he really LIKED being around us much. Of course we know that our Lord loves us and died for us. But does he really think we are smart, funny and like us as you say? I guess I have been taught more to fear God and not upset Him.

Jesus says that those whom He likes he also rebukes and chastens.

The Lord Jesus also teaches us to begin our prayers, saying, “Our Father, who art in heaven.”

Luther’s explanation of this is truly and marvelously in keeping with what God declares concerning the communion that He calls us into.

God would thereby [with this little introduction] tenderly urge us to believe that He is our true Father, and that we are His true children, so that we may ask Him confidently with all assurance, as dear children ask their dear father.

Does God like us? Does God like you?

Ask yourself whether or not you have been baptized. Ask yourself whether or not God’s promises are true. Ask yourself whether or not you are truly in God’s Holy Communion and not a false communion where His Supper is mimicked but not actually partaken.

If indeed you are truly a disciple of Christ, as He says in John 8:31-32, John 13:34-35, and John 15:8, truly God likes you. After all, who does not like perfection? He has made His saints to be perfect in connection with His Son. God truly likes what He makes of His children. He truly likes those whom He has converted from sinners to saints. God is truly pleased with the works that He works in and through His children.

This is not because of the choices that we make for ourselves or the works that we seek to do by our own strength. No, those are corrupt and rotting choices and works. Even we don’t like them when we examine them honestly. But what God makes of us and works in us and through us truly pleases Him, even as when we catch glimpses of it we, too, are pleased. And yes, we do see these things as St. John writes, “We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.” (1 John 3:14) Yes, God works His love in us so that we look to one another with that same love, and thereby we are pleased with one another and like one another, too. And God likes what He sees being worked in us, too. He draws near to us and shows us that He both loves and likes us.

This is why it is necessary that we mark and avoid false brethren and false communions. For how can we know God’s love and pleasure toward us when we mingle with what He has declared that He hates and dislikes? No, His good pleasure is ours to observe when we abide in His words and love as He has said.